I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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