So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
