it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
