I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
