i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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