How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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