I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
