Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
