i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize