just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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