i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
it glows. i had to have it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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