my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
this boner is exhausting
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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