The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
