it's too hot outside to masturbate.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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