I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
