its not stalking. its research.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
