you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
