My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
