I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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