she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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