it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i was born a porn star she said
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
