Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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