this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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