$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
