You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
