left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
