good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
