Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Are my feet made of real feet?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
