I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
