i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
