I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
