Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
my poor anus
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
