i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize