There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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