So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Alive.
So much puke
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
