No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
