Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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