Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So vagazzling was a success
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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