fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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