The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
