Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
