Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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