is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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