her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
