god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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