with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize