i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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