barbara walters just said penis...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
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