we have officially lost it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
