Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
