Girls should come with a carfax report
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
