So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
