So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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