Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
