I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize