I wish my penis had an off switch
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
