In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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