how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
