Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
