Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
