U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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