yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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