Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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