dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
