I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
