Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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