This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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