nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
