margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I love you. Go after that dick
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
