I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
