i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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