walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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