Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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