So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
