So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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