Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
false alarm, still single
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