my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
