I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
