I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He has the fingertips of a God
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