i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
