mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
