I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
