Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
