Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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