I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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