The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
