I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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