You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
