I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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